6 people walk into a bar...
The first one is the woman that was outside digging in the trash who everyone assumes is mentally handicapped. Her white shirt having perhaps never been washed had come to take on a uniform hue of Beige. She seemed to live in some magical world where any aspect of the known universe could communicate with her directly in order to meet her basic survival needs. To herself she was the universe, to the rest of us she was crazy.
The second is a Native American shamaness; I have always wondered how native peoples are able to find almost brilliant colored dyes for their textiles. In this case, he adorned a Purple poncho and a cowboy hat. To some he was a Savage who believed in nature spirits and other things from antiquated fairy tales; in acknowledgement of himself he was a spirit guide who used a sacred medicine to communicate with great spirit to protect and heal his tribe and his people.
The third is the leader of an inner city gang, and naturally, he pranced in with Gold teeth and chains around his neck, and with his chest puffed out to show dominance he wore a blazing Red warm-up suit. He could not go unnoticed. His attitude seemed to take up the whole room. To most he seemed, paradoxically, somewhat of a harmless threat, and he was quite aware we felt that way. He was usually accompanied by an entourage, which helped him mask his insecurities and maintain dominance of his individuality, but at this time was solo.
The 4th is a New York rabbi, dressed in a dark navy suit with a brilliant Blue neck tie that was radiating somewhere between Lapis and Cobalt. If it weren't for the curly sideburns and hat, we might have all assumed this was a lawyer, but this was a man of a different law, one immutable and unquestionable Law.
The 5th is a professor of philosophy at the nearby University. With a well-indexed catalog of empirical evidence between his ears, he was well-versed in proper debate and had logic, ethics, phenomenology, ontology, and epistemology, all firmly cinched under his belt. To some he was merely the ultimate mansplainer. To himself he was The Mastermind of linear thoughts and material reductionism and he had two PhDs to prove it! Although untenured, he was very well paid. Somewhat eccentric, he wore an obnoxiously Orange bowtie and shoes of the same color in support of his alma mater.
Lastly, the sixth was the lesbian anti-capitalist, who worked for an Not-for-Profit in support of ecological sustainability. She was not exactly dressed as a woman, or as a man either for that matter, with a grass Green cardigan perfectly matching her deep green eyes. As an empowered woman, she had a world to save from capitalist exploitation, government corruption, and 5,000 years of ignorant patriarchs. Advocating for equal rights for all and an awareness of global ecological issues, her Green revolution was not an ideological dream, but a way of life.
The bar had been empty since it opened a couple of hours before. The barmaid had often mused at the fact that patrons so many times come and then leave all at the same time. Over the course of 20 minutes or so, this colorful array of interesting personalities entered quite organically. The Beige woman came in regularly to spend a bit of change someone had given her outside. She always got a well vodka with grapefruit juice. The barmaid reminded her that her drink was called a Greyhound, but to no avail because she seemed to always forget every time. She wanted it "with ice and a lime unsqueezed but no straw. And put the lime inside with a napkin over the top." For her it had to be perfect; just the way it had to be.
The Purple shamaness came in, and the barmaid jokingly asked if she'd like a San Pedro on the rocks. Unamused the weathered-skinned middle-aged woman ordered a mezcal, which was equally cliche, but the bar did not have any chicha which is really what she wanted the most because it reminded her of home in Columbia.
The Red one sat down with hardcore rap blaring on his phone. He sat there for a minute making himself comfortable as if he owned the place. He had smoked a bit of meth in the car before coming in. He preferred shots but started with a Patron on the rocks.
When the Blue suit came in the room, the barmaid had learned in the past that the Manischewitz joke doesn't always go over well. She remained silent, nodding to the Rabbi who ordered a glass of red wine.
The smarmy philosopher was quite young to have two PhDs and still liked to party. He was a bit hungover from the previous night of cocaine and top-shelf whiskey. He held himself well however, he was well groomed and his orange tennis shoes appeared to never have been worn before as he sat down for a bloody Mary.
The cardigan clad lesbian took her seat, although identifying as a woman, she was glad to notice that the bathrooms were gender-neutral as she sat down at the bar and asked if there were any local craft beers on tap. The barmaid made a couple of suggestions and our Green activist friend inquired again with an undertone of pride and righteousness, "are they local? ... I'll have the IPA."
Each of them content and enjoying the drink of their choice, the barmaid being unaware she has her hands full until: Then it happened. One of them, rather provocatively, asked the question, "What is God?". She knew that she was in for quite a roller coaster. With a shock and a gasp she grabbed for her own drink and in an attempt to change the subject, the first thing that came to her mind was to raise a toast as she spontaneously proclaimed, "Le Chaim!" She was caught off guard by the question of God and choked a little as she said it which made her sound all the more Hebrew. The rabbi laughed as did a couple of the others. The philosopher jumped at the opportunity to have such a discussion. He steered the conversation back in the direction of theosophical inquiry.
The barmaid, luckily, had been fully trained in a linguistic tool and philosophical map of the human psyche that we have come to know as Spiral Dynamics. Most of us standing in the barmaids shoes would have no other refuge but to pour ourselves a drink as well in preparation for the impending brawl. Lucky for her, she knew the perspective of each of her patrons, although none of them could see outside of their own particular world view. The barmaid, dressed in a bright Yellow kimono, had straightened her back and prepared herself for skillfully navigating this situation.
The Orange perspective continued with an inquiry,"what would be the use of postulating on something that cannot be perceived?"
The Purple chimed in to say "I have spent many years with your people, and I am fairly certain that myself and my people commonly experience things that your people do not." As the tension in the room suddenly and very quickly escalated, the Red perspective exclaiming,"Now y'all pushin' some boundaries here.", pulled up his shirt a bit as if he might have been about to expose a weapon concealed beneath. The Green interjected with a sense of humor and a tinge of arrogance, "whatever she is, she knows that you guys are never going to figure it out." The Barmaid chuckled and asked the rabbi to tell everyone what God is from the Jewish perspective. She had set the stage for an opinion and eliminated unnecessary arguments. Nobody else there, even the philosopher, was really sure what God is from a Jewish perspective. The tension was still relatively high and the Beige finished her drink and left the bar feeling endangered in such an emotionally volatile environment. For the next 15 minutes or so the barmaid, as good bartenders do so well, began playing very carefully off the personal story and ego of each person at the bar and was able to facilitate a warmly educational conversation from perspective to perspective. All came to the common agreement that God can be all of Presence, Spirit, Power, Creator, Wisdom, and even all of these at once. Conversations reverted to small talk and the situation resumed normal. Each finished their drink in their own time and the barmaid went home at the end of the night turning every single penny of her tips.
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